January 3, 2013
Please Like Us on Facebook!

America’s businesses are now insecure twelve-year-olds trolling for affirmation.

“Guys, if you don’t ‘like’ this post I’ll have to conclude that you don’t actually love me and that I’m going to die alone.”

In all seriousness, American Businesses, I understand the desire to feel loved. It’s just … you’re being a bit overt about it. It’s a bit high-maintenance. I’d suggest using the following statements instead:

  • If you “like” us on Facebook we always “like” back!
  • The other day somebody “liked” us on Facebook and it totally made our day
  • We’re pretty sure we don’t have any true friends because nobody “likes” us on Facebook
  • Someday somebody will love us enough to “like” us on Facebook
  • We don’t care if you “like” us on Facebook. I mean, we wouldn’t mind or anything. But we’re not clingy like that. But if you happen to be on Facebook already …
  • I can’t believe you “liked” our competitor but didn’t like us. What do they have that we don’t have? You’re so shallow.

(via squashed)